Archive for January, 2005

Random Quotes…

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose”

“Someone who grapples with eternity has the ability to turn the tides of time”

“The stage is an altar, God must be in the centre, and we play for the audience of One”

Heavy Hearted…

No, i’m not illustrating the effects of love, for those of you who know what i mean and are reading the title too deep…

It’s just how i feel at the moment. Heavy. All 64kg of me =) ok bad pun, but i don’t care.

Seriously, something lies on my heart…and i can’t seem to place it. It wouldn’t be so bad should i know what it is but can’t do anything about it. But i don’t even know what it is. Perhaps God knows i can’t deal with it right now and doesn’t want me to know for that reason. Perhaps it’s not something that i can deal with at all. Perhaps i just need to let go. But how do i let go if i don’t know what it is?

I suppose this is probably one of the few times that not-so-positive emotions are on my blog…i wouldn’t call them negative just yet. Maybe sometime later in the semester they might turn that way should this persist. I hope not.

Sometimes a longing creates a heavy heart. Sometimes a lack of it. More often that not, it’s the former. Sometimes it just needs a nudge in the right direction. (and if any of you corny people nudge me on msn just because i put this in my blog, you’ll get your just desserts)

My brain is lagging…my reflexes are dulled…feeling the traditional NUS student’s “sian-ness”…my heart is heavy…

Was reminded again of this story at the BCE prayer/meeting last night…here’s the shortened version…

A young piano prodigy was playing at a well-known concert in a famous theatre, the youngest ever to play there. When he first stepped onto the stage, everyone was shocked at his youth and doubted his ability.

But when he sat down and his fingers touched the ivories, all questions were removed from the audiences’ minds – he played with such talent and beauty that one could only wonder at the marvel of his emotions in the music! The sound travelled far, soft and loud, intense and smooth, happy and sad, till the audience was mesmerized in their seats, not one able to speak or move – such was the greatness of his music.

After his piece had finished, he stood up and walked to the front of the stage. The audience applauded exuberantly! The sound of claps and catcalls were so loud that it was deafening, and the audience showed no signs of stopping!

The young pianist however, just stood there, emotionless. Eyes angled slightly upward, he simply stood there. The joy that one would normally feel at this audulation was not evident in the youth. He stood there…until a man in the upper circle seats made a slight, almost inperceiveable nod of the head.

Then he smiled, and bowed low to the audience’s applause.

All the praises of the audience meant nothing to him, it mattered not. He sought the approval of the man in the upper circle seat – his Teacher. Till that approval was gained, the audience’s applause were mere passing sounds which came and went.

“the stage is an altar, God must be in the centre, and we play for..

…The Audience of One.”

Stay the Same

-Joey McIntyre

Don't you ever wish you were someone else
You were meant to be the way you are exactly
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself you're better off by far
And I hope you always stay the same
'Cause there's nothin 'bout you I would change

I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize all the dreams you have inside
Don't be afraid if you got somethin to say
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way

Don't you ever wish  you were someone else
You were meant to be the way you are exactly
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself you're better off by far
And I hope you always stay the same
'Cause there's nothin 'bout you I would change

Beleive in yourself reach down inside
The love you find will set you free
Believe in yourself you will come alive
Have faith in what you do you'll make it through

Don't you ever wish you were someone else
You were meant to be the way you are exactly
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself you're better off by far
And I hope you always stay the same
'Cause there's nothin 'bout you I would change
No there's nothin 'bout you I would change
Don't change


Many have asked me what the name on my blog means…”ky’el” is an elven dialect for “son of patience” (i’ll leave the “wolfpacker” part for another time)…and i was just reminded again of the importance of being patient.

Of course you know that being impatient sometimes starts anger and fights and all…but have you ever noticed the subtle things that impatience does? It makes you worry, it makes you distracted from something that you have to and should be doing. Ever tried waiting in one place for something that you know is going to happen soon? You keep looking at your watch/handphone clock, wondering when it’s going to happen…you start getting gan cheong and think about the “what ifs” of it…suddenly you have so many burdens on your mind that you can’t do anything else, and most importantly you can’t do anything about it. (i would know…i’m doing that now *grins*)

But like how i always tell people to “chillzout”, seriously that’s probably the only thing that would help – just chill. Calm down and clam down. No point worrying about something that you can’t do anything about.

The Bible challenges us, that which of us, by worrying, can turn even one hair black or white or change the number of hours of our life? (maybe shorten it…) “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own”.

Can we apply that to our hourly, minute-ly and second-ly life? Let’s not worry about what we have to do next, or what’s about to happen, or what should be happening, etc etc etc (see, there are just so many things to worry about!) Just focus on what we have to do now, look at the HERE and NOW, and let the next minute, hour, or day worry about itself (which isn’t to say that we shouldn’t have at least a bit of foresight)

*chilling out now*

Went swimming today in the afternoon in the NUS pool, under the scorching hot sun – a little bit red now, but it was a good swim…

While swimming i remembered something that happened sometime back while i was still inthe transition between army and uni…

Was swimming at the jurong pool at that time when i saw this man come to the pool on crutches. Really skinny, and his legs were…well, you could tell he hadn’t used them in a long while. They were really skinny and so i concluded that he was crippled, at least for the legs. Well, he was at the pool and he lowered himself into the swimming pool at the lane next to mine. So here i was thinking “he’s going to have a hard time in the pool…i’d better swim near him and make sure he’ll be ok”, being the *ahem* nice guy i am.

But when he takes off in the pool, that guy’s at least twice as fast as me! And remember, he’s using his arms only! Shocked me…but also convicted me that he’s not the handicapped one; I am.

I’m handicapped – for judging him for his outward appearance.
I’m handicapped – for not remembering that looks don’t count for much.
I’m handicapped – for looking down on him because he’s not like me.
I’m handicapped – for not realising that he should be looking out for me, not the other way round.

I’m handicapped – simply for concluding that he was the handicapped one!

So save that handicapped parking space for me =)

One more time…

Yup, school’s starting again. The time of the year where most people are dreading and don’t want to leave their lifestyles of relaxation and enjoyment that they’ve had for the past month or so. (Then again, the irony is that if we didn’t have school, there’s really no basis to say that we’re relaxing, right? hahaha…)

I guess this is a point of time where most people will be worrying about what’s coming up for the next sem – workloads, relationships, results, friendships, activities, etc…and i’m no exception.

No i’m not kidding! Those of you who know me might think that i don’t worry about such stuff. You’re wrong – i’m like one of the top ten world’s worriers. =) i’ve got my fair share of troubles, insecurities, demands to be met and commitments to keep. (not that everything that i face is bad, though…there are the enjoyables too!) At any rate, i’m also human – i have to worry about my life too, though admittedly not to the extent of the next meal.

But i guess this again is a good time to remember (and it’s right at the start of the year too) who’s really in control, and who really should be taking charge. You can’t control what happens to you – all you can control is how you respond. In other words, that’s all you should be worrying about in your life after doing your best. What circumstances bring can’t be helped – what you do in the presence of those circumstances can.

You can choose to mope, or to carry on.
You can choose to cry, or to laugh.
You can choose to forget, or to learn from the experience.
You can choose to leave it in the hands of One who knows what will happen and is able to control it, or to take things into your own hands and screw it all up simply because you only exist in 3-D.

And you can choose to disagree with what i’m saying here as well – i’m not going to shove my view into your face.

Your life; your choice. God doesn’t barge into your life demanding his rightful place – He lets you choose. (this brings about the debate on the free will vs. sovereignty thingy, but i’m not discussing it here – that’s for another time)

Let go. If it’s yours, it’ll come back.

As school is starting (or started), i’m sure most people will feel the pressure and stress again. NUS (and NTU) students can probably identify with the past week of bidding and choosing of modules and the frustration it brought. But among all these it may be useful to remember that in our weakness is how God truly shows his strength. Like how God chose the army of the Israelites by separating those who lay down and lapped up the water from the spring, and those who knelt and brought the water up to their mouths…

I’m tempted to think that it wasn’t the tacticality of the situations, or the humility of the people, but rather that the smaller number that was chosen. In my opinion, should the number of people who knelt and brought the water to their mouths been smaller instead, God might have said take those. (To those who have no idea what i’m referring to, sorry…i can’t remember the reference either – anyone care to help? leave it in the comments if you know, thanks!)

But it’s in our helplessness and weakness that He can truly show His strength – if the Israelites had won the war with a massive amount of people, it doesn’t say anything. But without a trained tactician, and without the numbers, they won through God – only then would His strength be shown.

His Strength is Perfect – Steven Curtis Chapman

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,
But sometimes i wonder what He can do through me.
No great success to show, no glory on my own,
Yet in my weakness He is there to let me know;

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone,
He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on.
Raised in His power, the weak become strong;
His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.

We can only know the power that He holds
When we truly see how deep our weakness goes.
His strength in us begins when ours comes to an end,
He hears our humble cry and proves again –

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone,
He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on.
Raised in His power, the weak become strong;
His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.

Happy 2005!

This is the time of the year where everyone puts up new year greetings on their blog…i’m not about to break the tradition, so here’s a little poem from me to everyone who cares to read it.

Sand in the hourglass

Another year has left our lives
Taking hopes, troubles and strifes
The new year brings Uncertainties-
The very option life majors in.

Perhaps some have learned, in this year past
How to break, or make friendships last.
Perhaps discovered something of your own,
A talent, a gift, maybe not yet shown.
But the year has gone, and along it takes
Memories of people, candles and cakes.
Like sand in the hourglass, flowing to an end,
Time passes by as it waits for no man.

But the new year brings forth hope once again
From the uncertainties that it stems.
New lifes, new loves, new knowledge too;
For we know, till our life is through,
That all we need is just this day
To live our lives whichever way
We choose to bring our ships to bear
Through many a worry, many a care.

May God bring blessing upon all of you
To do with our lives as He sees fit to;
To give us the strength to accept His will;
To let Him sustain us and give us our fill;
To speak to us in no certain terms;
To give us wisdom as we continue to learn;
To train our heart to be close to His love;
To love those whom He commanded us;
To be soft when should, to be strong when we can;
To put our lives in the safety of His hand;
To grow deeper in Love with Him each day
As we continue on our short life’s way;
To watch over all as He watches each too –
This is my prayer for all of you.