Second Batch of Random Thoughts in the Space that I call my mind

Something interesting was said during handball training today. We were going round sharing about what we felt so far about the training, the sport, any grudges and anything we wanted to say about what we experienced so far. One of the seniors mentioned that "we train to win the gold. When you win, that's all that matters, that's everything."

Immediately my inner self screamed no. That was a sheer reminder of what i faced this semester, struggling with academics. The As weren't everything. The gold isn't everything. And it took me a darn long time to work that out. Only the test of time can tell if i've really worked it out for good or this is just a passing phase of confidence that i'm experiencing.

Is it then only natural that i continually seek to be the best? I know i can never reach that goal, yet i continue to try. I do know that often times when something is permissable in action, we should look to the intention. At times, however, i question my own intentions and i don't really know why i'm doing what i'm doing. I suppose at the very least i'm quite ok with the fact that most of these things aren't really wrong per se. (i say most coz i don't think i'm qualified to use an absolute statment across the board there)

At the very least there's a conclusion to this section, in that i know where i should stand, even if i'm still moving slowly toward it and not quite there yet. Maybe i never will be there, possibly not in this lifetime. Doesn't mean that i can't try.

And now on the area of trying and hope. The main reason why we try…is it because we continue to hope? The common idea of hope is usually loosely associated to blind faith. Hope in the original context is having an informed decision and thus holding on to that decision. Yet at times we continue to try even when we are without hope – i.e. our informed decision says otherwise. Although one may describe this as stupidity…sometimes i think it marks faith. (Sometimes, but not always) Being able to hold on to something against all odds when you genuinely believe it's true for whatever reason that may be. And if you hold on to the right thing, then thank God for that because it could have very well gone way out of your expectations.

Then come the idea of expectations, and back to the Open-Palm Concept and how we hold on to things in our lives, expectations and all. I've done enough elaboration there (just click on the link) so i won't do any more here.

I need to be spending more time with God these days.

I seem to have some other things on my mind but i'm really tired from the training and my eyes are closing already. So i guess i'll blog about them another time. If i even recall them after i've slept till tmr morning.

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