Archive for February, 2006

By Savage Garden

I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn’t have called but someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don’t matter
I’ll be courageous if you can pretend that you’ve forgiven me

’cause I don’t know you anymore
I don’t recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don’t talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn’t give to see your face again

Springtime in the city
Always such relief from the winter freeze
The snow was more lonely than cold if you know what I mean
Everyone’s got an agenda
Don’t stop keep that chin up you’ll be alright
Can you believe what a year it’s been
Are you still the same?
Has your opinion changed?

’cause I don’t know you anymore
I don’t recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don’t talk much anymore
We keep running from these sentences
But what I wouldn’t give to see your face again

I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I’ve paid the price
I’m still paying for it every day

So maybe I shouldn’t have called
Was it too soon to tell?
Oh what the hell
It doesn’t really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?

Because I don’t know you anymore
I don’t recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don’t talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn’t give to see your face again

Thought this was a pretty nice song at first…then listened carefully and realised that it’s very sad. I suppose this kinda thing happens to most people, and at a certain point on time in your life, you do lose people in your life…and when you get more or less back on track, you hardly recognise them.  I guess that has happened to me before, and i hope it don’t happen again – it’s sad to lose someone close like that, suddenly it’s like you don’t know the person anymore.
But what really struck me in this song are the times where i look at myself and wonder who i’ve become.  No i’ve not transformed into a monster or anything, but i just wonder.  At times i don’t recognise myself – it’s almost like i’m looking at another person in that transparent wall that looks like a mirror. It’s just that i’ve changed.  Maybe i’ve grown and in that i’ve changed, yet as the song says, it doesn’t really matter.  I’d like to be able to say that it was me, yet sometimes i’m not too sure, even though i’m certain of my identity and my person.

Ok i’m supposed to be studying for a test on wednesday but i’m really bored and my brain needs a rest from intense usage.  They say that brains have a shelf life/usage limit.  I think i’m going to exceed mine, if my white hair is any indication 😀

But it’s late and i should be sleeping now.  Classes tmr, don’t wanna be tired or late! 🙂

When you wake up each morning, tell yourself to be so strong and so secure that nothing can break your smile…but remember where you get that strength from.

Hahaha it sounds like it’s a special edition of a newspaper or something =)

Today started off not too good, with me wishing i had at least another 4 hours of sleep. But oh well, got out of bed and headed down to church…where i’m glad i didn’t miss church for sleep (even though i’m pretty damn sleepy now). Many reminders struck out at me, but i’ll just put the most pertinant two here.

Love the unlovely. Why? Because they too are made in God’s image. Because they need to be loved, just as everyone does. Because we are the unlovely too. I can’t be reminded of this enough, what with my mindsets about a lot of things. Sure i might not show it at times, but inside my heart i might think certain ways about certain types of people, or certain specific people. But it doesn’t mean that just because i didn’t see something in them doesn’t mean that there is nothing. Most importantly…

God didn’t give up on them, and He didn’t give up on me. I’ve lost count of how many times i’ve fallen and how many times He’s picked me up only to see me fall again. I’ve forgotten the number of tears I’ve cried because of His forgiveness, but i’m sure it’s nowhere near the value of the blood He shed for me. He didn’t give up when Peter denied him. He didn’t give up when churches spilt. He didn’t give up when his people didn’t have faith or when they mocked Him and crucified Him or when He was wrongly accused. And He didn’t give up on me.

Jesus gives me all His best
How can i give any less?

What do i possess that the Lord of the earth
Should care to know my name?
What have i done to merit the price
That was paid to cleanse my shame?
He controls the earth and the heavens by will
Yet each hair on my head He counts;
He deals with the complexity of the universe
But each trial still helps me surmount.
I do not understand His plans ahead
And oft i do not obey;
Yet He stands by my side like a Father to child
And holds my hand on His way.

True

By Ryan Cabrera

I won’t talk
I won’t breathe
I won’t move
‘Til you finally see that you belong to me

You might think
I don’t look
But deep down inside in the corner of my mind
I’m attached to you

I’m weak
It’s true
Coz I’m afraid I know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

I’ve waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that’s true
So I will not hide
It’s time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I’ve waited
This is true

You don’t know
What you do
Every time you walk into the room
I’m afraid to move

Coz’ I’m weak
It’s true
I’m just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

I know when I go
I’ll be on my way to you
The way that’s true

Ok it’s quite obvious that i don’t entirely agree with everything the song proclaims, nor the viewpoint that they take on this, but i still think it’s a nice song. 😀 At the same time, i think certain aspects are quite accurately worded, like “cross this line” and about “not hiding”, but perhaps in a different context than understood by the rest of the world. 😀

城裡的月光

?顆心上?一個地方
總有個記憶??散
?個深夜?一個地方
總有著最深的??

世間??的變幻
愛把有情的人分兩端
心若知??犀的方?
哪怕?能夠?夕相伴

城裡的月光把夢照亮
請溫暖他心房
看?了人間?散
能?能多點快樂片段
城裡的月光把夢照亮
請守候他身?
若有一天能?逢
讓幸?撒滿整個夜晚

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I never thought this would have happened to me.

The mid sem break’s just started, and i could conceivably be blogging about how relieved i am to have only one more midsem test left after the gruelling continuous three days of lack of sleep, or about how i would very much like to gather people to go to east coast and play frisbee or blade with me, or how i’d like to go buy myself a pair of blades soon, just for the exercise that i can get and for the feeling that i miss about blading, or rant about the backlog of work that i have to clear before term starts just so that i can keep up the pace and of lectures even though it’s really my own decision to have neglected consistant work in place of trainings and rehearsals.
But instead, i have more things on my mind than just that.

I’ve been pressed, reminded, and pushed for surrender again. Do i trust God’s plan for me in my life? I have been burdened to let it go…and for a while i struggled with it, trying to find excuses for it. But despite my ability to find loopholes (let me have my ego trip here k?), i cannot find any in what God has said – which is the reason why i chose to follow Him, even though i’m not able to explain everything that He’s done or planned to do.

Yet even after i know what i have to do, and having done it…i inadvertedly “looked” back. Perhaps i shouldn’t have, having made that decision already, and i’m not in the habit of doing so. But this time i did. Maybe i still do want it. Maybe i just haven’t really let go. But i guess i’m just going to have to wait a little longer.

(JM: Once is enough, wouldn’t like to have to go through it five times 😀 )

I’m glad it’s not a angry ending to this stage. It really could have been much much worse than what i saw it to be.  Yet it might just be more than what i saw and heard – not that i can have any effect on that.  Or maybe i just think too much.

At this point i have been staring at my screen for half an hour thinking of how to convey my thoughts into words.  Apparently my vocabulary fails me unforgivably at this point of time.  Perhaps if things were different.  Now i don’t mean that in a bad way, and i’m not trying to say that what God has done/will do in this event is second to anything, but it was just a thought.  Yeah it makes common sense that if things were different they’d end differently. duh.

And so the waiting resumes again.  You know i’d think that for all God places to my life to test me (and for which i’m very very grateful for, don’t get me wrong), i’d be learning faster.  But i guess that’s the problem when you have the mentality of an ox – you just keep learning the hard way.  You know the saying that goes “learn from others’ mistakes; life’s too short to make them all on your own”? I think i’m about to hit that limit soon. 😀

This time…it seemed all so perfect.  But what you hold dearest to your heart must also be what you must learn to let go. (hmm that sounds familiar, like it’s from a movie or something that i’ve seen/read before…oh yes, yoda said “train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose”…Perhaps it was equally apt whom i watched that movie with.)

It is true, then…the longest distance in the world is indeed the distance between the heart and the head.

Yuk.

Ok i think that last post was a pathetic attempt to regain some semblance of chinese roots.

。。。希望?会太差?。

有时候,我也?知?自己真的在?什么。都二??三?了,自己也还?清楚本身想?的是什么。 虽然我懂得怎么??惜本人所有的,但是有时候还想得到别的东西。

最近,我?开始觉得有点寂寞。也许是因为读书太多了,跟别人谈天太少了,?过我觉得没那么简?。这?感觉已?在我心中好久了,??过是没表示出?。讲出寂寞的感觉,在我身?有朋?的时候,想起?有点矛盾。也许我所感?的“寂寞?跟我们在这世界上所讲的“寂寞?有点??。

有时候我也会想:我这个人,值得??上?已?为我?了那么多事,给了那么多东西,但我还是?知?觉的去想这?事。我还是让上??出他已想?的事?,别想那么多。

?过,这几天,我没那么寂寞。你们别想到太??了,我想,第一回是因为我本身的自信?知?为什么。 而且我也觉得本身现在的情?已准备好了, ??以??试试怎么生活了。

这?能是我唯一的”第二次机会”…我??能错过。

Reminders

Well with all that struggle i go through each day with my identity and my assurance and confidence, it’s very apt that Sandra gave me what she called a “letter of commendation” (as pictured below. I think that’s the best description that i can give to that laminated sheet of nicely printed paper.

To all my brothers and sisters, this applies to you as well 🙂

Today was a rough day. Lack of sleep and dragged myself to lecture with the full knowledge that i was lacking in knowledge. Academic, that is. Over the past few days i was wondering whether i had concerned myself too much with hall things. As fun as they are, there are things that are more important, and i was left thinking if i had sacrified them for the entertainment value of the former. I suppose that would have led to my lack of sleep coz there were many times that i couldn’t sleep for no particular reason and i’d stare at my ceiling. Bad thing is, i did that a lot last sem and so i can’t seem to find any new thing about it 😀

Lecture bites. Big time. Makes me wonder why i came to engin coz it’s so boring, and yet i know at the back of my mind that this was the best choice. Still, doesn’t mean i can’t rant at how mindlessly corny the lecturers are, so much that you end up laughing at them instead of the jokes.

Rushed from here to there, settling stuff left right centre, and hoping that everyone works out fine. Also had an itchy attack in the middle of the day – starting itching for no reason. Felt like a really bad case of rashes, so i took a HOT bath before heading down to Ray’s 23rd Birthday Party. I must’ve really looked tired coz even Erv commented on me looking tired. arrrrrrrrr…

Left the party halfway, boohoo, and came back for choir. This is where my day gets better. They sounded beautiful. I don’t know why, but today seemed to be a breakthrough for the guys. They were great and despite having lagged behind IMMENSELY in work (which explains the time of this post) i was more than happy to stay with them till 11 plus to sing over and over again.

Then i went to take a listen to the girls’ chorus and i was overwhelmed again. They sounded great! So great that i will post the lyrics of the song they were singing here, and also because i something to say about the song.

When i fall in love
It will be forever
Or i’ll never fall in love
In a restless world like this is
Love is ended before it’s begun
And too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

When i give my heart
It will be completely
Or i’ll never give my heart
And the moment i can feel that
You feel that way too
Is when i fall in love with you

Couldn’t help thinking how true this seems to be.  For forever or never let it be. Isn’t that the way it should be?  heh i guess everyone wants that but we don’t always get it.  (JM, you might have something to say about that, if you do just email me ya? 🙂 ) can’t help these kinda thoughts, especially since the song itself was so beautiful and it’s just resonating in my head now.  Honestly it brings to mind a lot of questions about things that have been happening during the week though nothing really worth putting up.  At least not now.  And i shall be kind and spare you all from reading much more seeing as your poor eyes will be tired after reading through this entry.

Remember not to stare the screen, position yourself at the level at which the the top of the screen is at eye-level and look at something in the distance every 15 min! Eyesight is precious you know 🙂
(P.S. WP got their blogger import done, so all my blogger stuff has been shifted over to this blog! total awesomeness! if anyone wants an invite to wp now, feel free to ask me…limited though 😀 )