Fourth Random Batch of Thoughts In The Space I Call My Mind

Perhaps this one wasn't so random, but i guess it belongs here anyway.

Sometimes i wonder why i do what i do. It's obviously not that i can't, though at times it does come at a level of personal cost, great or small.

I do enjoy helping people out – really i do. I enjoy listening to people and emphathizing with them and playing a part in working out a viable solution to it. But at times i really wonder why i do it, even more so when it actually entails a significant sacrifice as the price tag. Sure, it makes me happy that i've done something, but there's happy and there's happy.

I realize that i'm speaking largely now in rather vague terms but I honestly don't know how to put it at this point of time; maybe it'll formulate itself into a poem or an article or another blogpost one day. Maybe it'll find its way into some great piece of literature, or a personal philosophy kinda book. Who knows, i'm willing to bet that a lot of peope go through this same kinda wondering/wandering thoughts.

Maybe things are just meant to be this way – though i seriously doubt so. So much of our world has already been tainted, to the extent that we often pass off what new stains that appear as something that is "supposed to happen". Sometimes life is simply like that, and i can accept that; unfortunately (i can't determine whether that be for me or in general) such selfish thought really isn't.

Sometimes i just want to be left alone, but I guess sometimes i do want to be appreciated – after all, who doesn't? Makes your life easier when you know someone's thinking (not necessarily highly, but at least) well of you.

They say that nice guys always get bullied, but i disagree. Nice guys may be nice, but often because they choose the battles that they fight – there's no point fighting every single one of them and losing a large percentage when you can easily "cut your losses in battle" so to speak. I guess if one's being bullied because of that, then one can take comfort in either the fact that one's cutting losses, or that he/she (whoever he/she might be) is a nice guy/gal.

You ever have the experience that you want to say something straight to someone else's face, but you can't?  This goes for both good and not-so-good "somethings" that you want to say.  I'm kinda currently stuck in this situation, but at least i know my Boss Up There is listening. 

I find absolutely no joy, however, in seriously entertaining stereotypes. Sure it's funny when you crack a joke about it, and i might put on a fake pout or play along, but when it's being used as an excuse for whatever reason it might be, then it's not funny. I retract that – it's not just not funny, it's downright annoying. There's a reason why stereotypes are discouraged you know – it's because they're often not true.

So at times like this i wonder – why do i bother? And i see the same answer each time..People are more important; People are worth it. Part of the reason why i still do what i do is because i hold on to this firmly…there is something more; there often is.

I was reading a case study for one of my modules and one sentence read " *i can't remember the name* has now become a statistic". Many of us miss the seriousness and implications of that. A statistic. No more than a number on a chalkboard, a figure to topple the percentage in a particular direction. Just a digit or two. No sparkle in the eyes, no tears shed, no smiles, nothing. Your entire existance reduced to a numerical blurb. I sure don't want to have "Added to the death statistics" engraved on my tombstone when i die. People aren't numbers, aren't formulae you can manipulate to achieve your wants. Yes it's possible, but they're not meant to be that way; so why is it that it just happens so often? I guess it's just sad that people don't see the value hidden behind the eyes in which lies the soul. The beauty rivalling a diamond's sparkle is reduced to a mere segment of calculation. A statistic. Unless i'm added to the statistics of the number of people who have attained supernatural recovery powers, an adamantium skeleton, sheer immortality and invulnerability, i wouldn't like to be just a statistic.

Gosh will you look at the time; thank you folks, you've all been a great audience. Please remember to tip the ushers on your way out and leave all your valuables in the big black bag and no one will get hur..oops. 😀




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