Rudimentary Reflections of a Redbean

And so another day has passed and i wonder “what have i done”, both in the screaming-to-heaven-in-a-desperate-movie-attempt-to-compensate-for-a-fatal-mistake sense as well as the comtemplative.

But first a message to all my friends out there who are reading this. I know some of you are concerned that the reflections on this blog seem rather melancholy to say the least.  Rest assured that i am fine, aside from the fact that it seems that i’m rather worn out from all the activity that has been going on these few days/weeks.  To those who are reading this in the middle of their hectic lives, be it working or studying for exams (as i know some are), i thank you for keeping me in your hearts or at the very least in your bookmark list.  If you’ve been keeping me even vaguely up to date at this point of time, i just want you to know that i’ve been keeping you in mind and in prayer.  I hope that somehow by reading what pops into my mind each time i blog, you’ll be encouraged and hold on to what we know is true.

As the day technically has already ended at the time i’m typing this, i’m just washing back to the real beginning of today, when i got out of bed.  I realise that my zest for this schedule is really not there anymore and i don’t feel like i want to get up to face what has been planned for me.  Compared to when all this planning just started, i look dead – i was so much more enthusiastic when it started off.  Maybe i guess that makes me a bit ditzy, that i only find new things novel and fun.  Doesn’t help my image that right now i really wanna splurge on something just to add a little new flavour to my life.

I mentioned to ditz yesterday (or accurately speaking, the day before) that i would like to run and hide someplace where i couldn’t be touched, and was appropriately reminded that i can, but it can’t be a permanent state.  Maybe a day or two might be nice though hahaha.

Back to the regular scheduled program, there are many times when i wish i didn’t say what i had said (aside from the fact that opening my mouth still pretty much causes discomfort), and there are also time when i wish i had said something.  Often the latter is caused by the assumption that someone else will bring it up, but unfortunately “someone else” doesn’t have the same idea/comment as me, or is also assuming the same thing. Bummer.

But having so many things that i want to do simply crammed into this small space that is left for myself is insanity.  There are faces i would dearly love to see once again, friends that i want sit down and catch a meal or a movie with, and so on and so forth. Being the impatient redbean that i am, i’d say “i can’t wait for it to happen”, yet at the same time i know intellectually that all things are planned in this sequence for a good and God reason.

I can’t help thinking of what i’m experiencing without thinking that there are people out there whom i know who are feeling the same way, and how am i supposed to encourage you.  At this time, given those that i know are having hard times are locationally difficult for me to reach (be it overseas or in singapore), i suppose all i can do is blog and hope you read it.  And i really do hope all who are feeling so will come here and be refreshed – is that not part of the purpose i write? (aside from the lame humour, random ramblings and lyrics and poems, and updates)

So please, do hold on if you’re going through the same thing as me, feeling sapped of life and without a time to regenerate cells that have been dying.  Keep going, if for no other reason than to hope for a pat on the back and a “well done, good and faithful servant” at the end of this time.  Keep going, because you know that whatever you’re going through, be it work or exams or studies or planning or struggles, that there are people climbing with you.  Some of us will pull you up from where we stand above.  Others will be beside you, cheering you on, and moving each step of the way with you, sometimes even giving you advice.  Still more will be supporting you from underneath, watching your steps and ensuring your safety.  And even as you climb, you will be playing one or even all three of the roles to the people around you.

Be strong? No.

Be weak, so that His strength can be seen through you.

And then you will be Strong. 

  1. purplecross

    i like those last 3 lines:

    “Be strong? No.

    Be weak, so that His strength can be seen through you.

    And then you will be Strong. ”

    how true.. often we tell ppl (ourselves included) to be strong & courageous. but we forget that It is only God who can grant us the strength:)

  2. wow you’re quite up to date with my blogging – i normally don’t get comments until a few days after. 🙂

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