Archive for July, 2006

So today was the first day of RHOC…i thought i’d put this all up if i can everyday, if for no more reason than a form of memory retention – even if i don’t go back into the archives and read it (which is actually quite likely), i remember it if i put it down in print (be it digital or on hardcopy – gosh i nearly said “analog”)

I realised how tiring and agitating being an I/C is. Note that i’m not really using the word “stressful”, mainly because i don’t believe that stress should occur in such a situation – it’s not something that will leave a mark on my life in that manner, and i think it’s something to be enjoyed. Which i honestly did, for leading each activity and seeing the people involved having so much fun is really such a joy. I think it was commendable that we adjusted to the necessary conditions in which we had to operate in.

But, if you may notice, that was the end of the good part. The bad part is that we actually had to adapt on the spot – which, if we followed exactly what was supposed to be done, we wouldn’t have to change things on the spot. Granted that certain things cannot be controlled when dealing with camps (such as sub-activity timings within an activity and the delay caused by campers) but there are most certainly other things that i would have deemed to have been perfectly controllable should one simply want to do so.

This was for two main reasons: firstly, nobody had much initiative. It was very much the same people being overworked (as it has been over the past few weeks, so i guess we’re kinda numb to it as well) while the others saunter around and do their own personal things often unrelated to the orientation program itself. By the end of the day we were pretty zonked out, though we’re happy with what happened and the freshmen enjoyed themselves.

Secondly, there was still a lot of things uninformed to us ground level people. On the execution of the events, the chairpersons were still informing us of certain things that were required either for the tradition of the event of something that was essential to it. Granted that the chairs were also helping with the execution, but although the fact that they actually had to help makes me feel bad – more so because everything should have been settled beforehand as opposed to feeling bad because they didn’t inform us.

All in all, at the end of the day i was quite disappointed with myself more than anything else. Perhaps it is true that i do beat myself up over things that are kinda small, but at the end of the day, something spoke out to me really loud.  It was in the middle of block orientation, and they were actually supposed to say something special about themselves – the objective being that the necessary talents for hall like singing, dancing, drawing, etc will be brought to attention.  What was being said however, were things that were very unique but not useful and the seniors were asking for something else: “If you think it’s something special you have to prove it – you must say something that you can prove.”

Point one: focus on what’s important.  What the seniors didn’t want or was not what they were asking for was rejected and the freshmen had to say something else.  Similar to what God wants – He wants us to focus on what’s really important.  As to what is important varies from person to person, it’s what God wants for that person

Point two: prove what you say.  Essentially another version of “walk your talk” but i don’t think the majority of us have internalized that just yet.  At the same time i don’t think there’s a necessity to elaborate what that means.

Day one was a learning experience.  Day two will be as well – updates will come delayed however, as i don’t think i’ll have the time to do so each and everyday.

Hmm2

It seems to be that when people want to get things done, especially urgent things or such, they tend to disregard consideration for other people, be it privacy, personal items, and so on and so forth. In a nutshell, they behave like jerks.

And when one tries to be nice and get everyone to cooperate, so far that person always ends up either ignored or defied for other individuals’ own items/preferences, even though the instructions given would have no negative impact at all.

It seems to be that the only way to really get things done here then to be very much a jerk, or to do everything yourself; if not the former then no one will pay attention to you coz they think you’re too gentle to do anything, and if not the latter then nothing will get done.

o here am i trying to find a way to stand in the middle of both – not having to be a jerk but being able to get things done.  I’m well aware that it’s possible to be firm and nice at the same time, but believe me when i say it doesn’t seem to be working.

No, nothing happened in my love life, despite the reference to the song from “High School Musical”…i know some of you reading this would think along those lines.

But the start is simply a new phase of life, one that comes every now and then.  The first change that i had was when i went through the “redbean” thingy…it’s not that i’m going to stop living out my destiny or anything, but all this while i was thinking about something that would suit me better – redbeanjon speaks of an aspiration, not who i am.  As all nicks would have it, it was hard to think of something that i know would be part of me for a long long while more, without reusing the “redbean” catchphrase.

It was thus that i chanced upon “Skribbler” (i.e. “scribbler”).  Bearing a slight reference to one of Mary Poppins’ Bert’s many jobs, i realised (while singing “Chim-Chimney”) that it is who i am.  I write and express.  I draw and colour.  I rhyme and compose.

It is something that has been given to me to aid my expression and to connect with other people, something that allows me to give my all each time i go on stage.

So along with the new name, there is a new look – or rather, a look that i had left behind a long time ago and am now reviving.  The person behind the name remains as he was the minute before he changed the name, and all such posts will still live on…but it will no longer be a redbeanwannabe who is identified to have written it.

It is now the Skribbler.

How appropriate that this new nick comes on this day. 😀

The law of conservation of mess states that “the mess of a closed system of substances will remain constant”.

Hence, under those conditions, whenever a mess is “tidied up” in a particular place, another is “created” somewhere else.  This is also consistent with transfer of mess, in which no mess can be created or destroyed in any closed system process.

What a great way to justify not tidying up your room.  For the record however, i prefer my room to be absolutely neat so that i know just where everything is – i realise that some people can have their rooms look like a hurricane just hit it and still know where everything is, but unfortunately i’m not one of them 😀

live.love.laugh.

I finally realise the depth and significance of the heading of the blog of a friend.  For a while it poked me in the side and i was wondering what was so significant about the phrase, simple as it may sound.

More than just alliteration, the three are linked very directly with each other.

In order to truly laugh, one must have joy.

To have joy, one must know Love.

And when one has both the “laugh” and the “love”, only then can one truly “live”

Of course, this is the way i see it, and everyone’s entitled to their own opinion…i’m sure the one who came up with it first will have the most accurate interpretation. 😀

A Virtous Cycle

Nothing cheers you up more than cheering someone else up.

😀

Please be warned that this post, ranting as it may be, is merely a form of release that i have at this very moment – it does not reflect the overall situation of things.

Yet another overnight RHOC outing – i think i’m getting used to this overnight thingy already, as much as it isn’t good for health.

Something struck me today on my msn list; two opposite msn nicks that seemed to stand out among the many more.  The first one read:

The strong survive, the weak are meat

And the second one was:

It is our duty to defend the rights of those who cannot do it themselves

I’m rather disturbed by the first as it was put by a churchmate of mine. As much as it’s just a nick (as was his justification), it protrays a very disturbing message that definitely should not be the mantra of one who follows the God of Love.  It simply reflects the state of the world today, in which we look out for ourselves and not other people.  Ironically, the second was put by another churchmate, who didn’t have the first person’s msn contact.

That being said, i’m honestly rather tired of “looking out for other people” here where i am. I’m sick of having work pushed to me because someone else comes up with excuses to slack, and having to do most of the other two person’s work myself.  I do wish i could just tell them off, but talking nicely to them doesn’t seem to do the job – i get replies like “it can’t be helped”, “that’s the way i am”, “it’s amazing we can even do so much (considering that we’re not doing very much at this level of manpower) and even “so what? who cares? not me.”  There are times where i wish i could just tell them to their faces and get it over and done with – even better if they would simply leave and the rest of us would at least be acknowledged for what we have done in their stead, seeing as all the work falls on our shoulders instead of theirs anyway.  Staying up late playing DOTA and watching soccer does not justify one’s lack of effort in the committee nor the extremely reduced amount of workload that one is doing, much less the attitude that one carries toward a COMMITtee that one has joined…there requires a certain amount of COMMITment toward it.

And so, having ranted on this space, i would like to say thanks to all the friends who have truly been real friends, and not taking me for granted.  Certainly this has taught me how to appreciate such people, and if i have sms-ed you one too many time in this season i ask for your forgiveness from my annoyance. 🙂  Currently i seem to be in the mood to meet up with old friends (seeing as i’ve been bumping into plenty of them recently) so please please please do drop me an sms or email if you’d like to as well – i’ll try to get away from RHOC for an evening or something, which shouldn’t be a problem if i have finished my workload.  Pretty please? 😀

Some people here deserve public acknowledgement, and so a big thanks goes to the following people: CCH, JM, Lavie, Looneylynnie and Shell (in no order of ranking) for listening to me and keeping me “company” even through emails or msn or sms.  I would like to sit down and talk with each one of you if time permits – so you’re all on my priority list. 😀

When the road seems long
When it all seems wrong
I will hold your hand and help you be strong
When you start to fall
When you give it all
I will come to your side when you call
Just remember, i’ll fly on the wings of your prayers

There’s a bright silver lining
Just behind the darkest of clouds
You can find the sun still shining
If you let your faith show you how

Take 6, Wings of your Prayers

Dedicated to a friend who sounds extremely tired, even over sms and email. I may not be there physically but i think the best thing anyone can do for another brother or sister is to pray for him/her.

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Ripped

There are times in one’s life that one simply feels torn apart.

I wish i could express this in a poem, and i tried to do so, but the words didn’t come as naturally as they normally would.  It’s rare for me to be inspired to blog about such matters and not be able to express it in poetry, even more so when i feel that poetry is so much more expressive to me, and contains so much more emotion than can be contained in simply writing out words that do flow, yet do not paint a picture.

But i guess it is at times like this that one cannot express oneself in more than a word.

Ripped.

Torn.