i don’t like this feeling.

It seems to be that i’ve been standing pretty much alone on what i value, referring mainly to opinions. Sure, things of fact and truth i can find people who generally agree with me, but on value judgement i’m pretty much on my own. It is really so difficult to ask something without whining, or to not jump to conclusions on me without hearing me out? Is there a need for the defensive mode to be brought up whenever someone opens his or her mouth or to make each conversation into a debate?

It’s not about feeling lonely – i don’t feel lonely, just alone. It’s the classic case of so many people around but feeling that you don’t identify with almost all of them (note that i say almost all). The first person i knew who could snap into mindset with me from the start is my best friend who’s now still in Melbourne. Along the path of life there have been a few who developed a mindset similar to mine, and so we hit it off as very close friends. Of course, everyone sort of ranges from a scale of “instant clique” to “exact opposites”, and sometimes people change over time so it may develop later. What i would like to point out is not the fact that there are people disagreeing with me, and the occurance of having only a handful of people who actually agree with you totally is something to be expected.

I guess why i’m putting this down in words is because there seems to be a want for someone to see my point of view for once, just so that i won’t have to stand on my little piece of ground and defend it on my own all the time.  It’s not hard, because i know what i stand for is true, but it does get wearisome to constantly be watching my own back.  And i’m not a ninja turtle so i don’t have a hard shell covering my ass.

Perhaps even more so that i’m thinking about this that i’ve come across such a rare person who thinks what i think – talk about wildkat mentality.  That, and the fact that another of my best buddies is coming back to Singapore for the hols too and we’ll have some great time together i hope 🙂 We have much to catch up on, having not talked to each other for effectively an entire year – so rayz, you better have some time on your calendar for me! 😀 Actually i think it’s going to be more of the other way round – i should be making space for you, coz you’re going to be soooo relaxed here and i’m the ultra busy one LOL.

Speaking of change – i mentioned in my last post on how i like to reflect after the sem’s done.  Today was a fair share of reflection cum PS2-ing (yes i multitask rather well with computer games) – i think that perhaps i’ve changed far too fast for my own good; even my family has problems adjusting to my new self.  Yet looking back it seems that these changes (for better or for worse, though i hope it be the former) occured within a very short time span at the beginning of the sem (or perhaps even during orientation) and simply stuck through the entire sem.  In a way i’m glad that it actually stuck the entire sem because it means i’m beginning to slow down the changes that occur to me. (was going to say “rate of change”, then caught myself before it came out, lest it sound too engineering-related :D)  There are still a great number of things i don’t like about myself, but i think there will always be for the vast majority of us.

Maybe that’s why people whom you identify with tend to be a precious thing in our lives.

Kindred souls.

  1. I have the same feeling sometimes. ^^

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