Mirror Mirror

I seem to have this mindset that whenever i’m depended on, i cannot fail.  It’s not too bad a mindset actually, considering that it keeps me from letting people down on a frequent basis, which is more than i can say for certain people in my accquaintance.

But in a way i guess i dislike it because we’re all fallible and we’re bound to fail sooner or later (nobody’s perfect…and i am nobody hahaha), and that’s when i start to bash myself up for messing up on something.  Could be something simple like waking up on time, or starting the handball wave properly to create a hole in the defence, or catching the ball when it’s thrown to me, or singing out of key during a rehearsal or (God forbid) a performance.  But the bottom line is that the simpler it gets the more it grates me, even though i know i should stop beating myself up for such things coz everyone screws up every now and then.

It’s just that when it happens to me, it seems like i screw up more often than anyone else.  And being a person who wants to be the best at what he takes up, who puts in everything he’s got into something he does, when i make a mistake it really affects me deeply.

I wonder if that can be understood at all.

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