I’m blogging this in the middle of going through my FYP interim report.  It’s a respite of sorts from the lingo of engineers, and a way to put down some very apt thoughts that are in my mind about beginnings and ends.  More on the latter, i would expect.

It’s the start of my last semester in NUS.  I guess i can’t help but think about all that has happened so far and what will be happening in the next semester, how things (and how i) have changed along the way, and things that will remain the same.

I remember coming into NUS, into the VCF Freshmen Orientation Camp, and looking at the marvel of entering university.  I remember the naivety that i held and the loss of the pent up anger and hatred that had accumulated in army.  I remember i didn’t have a blog then, but i started one soon after.

I remember how the first sem went past, and then with BCE (an evangelistic VCF musical in which i was part of the main cast) the second sem flew past too.  BCE also brought about a group of friends whom i’m grateful to have, and my mentor to whom much guidance has come from, in all areas of my life.  Then i moved into hall, and everything became a blur of events, too many for me to record in words but too substantial to exist just as thoughts.

And now, in less than 6 months’ time i would be leaving NUS as a graduated student.  Whether i will continue for another two years to do my Master’s degree or whether i will head straight for a job remains to be seen, dependant on the speed of administration that NUS can offer regarding my application.  I probably won’t know until March, and i hope that’s not too late for me to know.

I look at the people who’ve come and gone.  I’ve grown tired of naivety.  I’ve grown annoyed at people who make promise and deliberately don’t keep them, who are destructive and competitive with their conversations and words, who prefer to slander and tear down instead of encourage.  I have met people who are irresponsible, unreliable, gossipy, dishonest, scheming, greedy, whiny, arrogant, condescending, despicable, and believe me when i say for each of these attributes a name pops up clearly to mind.  I have also met those who know how to say things appropriately, how to keep a group going or hold the committee together, when to say things, are humble and are willing to listen to another before giving what is clearly stated as being their own small opinion in which is in no way the absolute truth.  I’d like to say that i’m glad for the second group and not for the first, but i realize that i can’t do that in all honesty;  truth be told, i’m glad for the first group for showing me what not to be, and the second group for encouraging me to be what i should, granted that i am in no way perfect as of now.

And then i look at myself.  I no longer blindly follow what i’m told to do, no longer see the need to hold everything within myself, to hide my thoughts from the world and stay safe and secure in my own little island.  Perhaps i don’t understand how others can simply shove things off and assume that divine forces will handle them; i don’t deny that they possibly can, but it isn’t very responsible to do so.  I’ve learnt how to be considerate and how to be careful, how to enjoy what i have and how to be responsible with what i acquire, how to give when i can and ask when i have to, but above all, how to love not because of something, but in spite of something.

My last semester in NUS is starting.  The last IHG, the last time of lectures (at least as an undergraduate), the last few events in hall.  But i chose to opt out of some, because i see no point in them; i don’t need the glory nor the stage, and the only reason i play handball is because it’s something i personally want to be good at.

So as the semester starts, i want it to be a good one.  I want to have happy memories of this place as i leave NUS, and learn lessons from the bad ones which i will eventually forget (the memories, not the lessons).  I want to treasure the time i have left, as much as i want to start working, because a second past is a second that cannot be reclaimed.  And having just got off the phone with my mom, she also said the same thing without any hint from me: do all you can while you are young, because once time flies past it’s gone.

    Leave a Reply

    Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

    WordPress.com Logo

    You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

    Twitter picture

    You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

    Facebook photo

    You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

    Google+ photo

    You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

    Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: