Archive for March, 2008

Squirrels

In addition to the one that ate a bug outside my room (and thankfully so) while looking extremely cute, i keep seeing squirrels around, especially in my dreams.

I’d be seeing myself do work in a normal setting and the squirrel head would just pop up from a crevice, usually one with a lot of wires, and then look at me.  The me in the dream would get a shock, then the dream would end, leaving me with two thoughts in my dazed-i-just-woke-up state:

One, what’s with all the squirrels?

Two, do squirrels chew through wires the same way rabbits do?

“A 1993 Harvard study showed that the amount of time a father spends with his children can actually affect their ability at math, and that children whose fathers encourage them at sports are more successful in their adult careers.”
– Time Magazine, 16 April 2007

I’m thankful for mine, and i find this extremely cool.  But you know what’s cooler? His reply:

Go and conquer the world.

One life at a time, dad…one life at a time 🙂

Well my headache hasn’t been going away. It was relieved for a while over the weekend, but once sunday night came along and i went for a run, it came back promptly after i cooled down.

On top of that, my feet have blisters from the run.  How that happened i have no idea – i’ve only gotten blisters from running once, and that was because my toenails were long enough to scrape against the adjacent toe.

At least work is coming under way and i’m looking forward to Warriors Orochi, having finished God of War:Chains of Olympus the day after i got it.

I’m not so bothered by the fact that NUS’s administration is freakingly slow anymore.  If they don’t want me then i’ll just have to hope that MOE will, but it also makes me realize that i don’t have much of a contingency plan should both fail.  Time to start looking around.

For now, i think i’ll be taking Panadol a bit more regularly.

Cold

The weather’s freakishly cold and my joints (right wrist + shoulder, both knees and ankles) are hurting.

Serves me right for not wearing all that protective gear while training.

Kids, don’t try this at home.

I wanted to use the F-word here, but i shall calm myself and be civil. Or not.  But you can just imagine as you read on how many times the word could pepper my post.

I hate people who are showoffs.  I hate people who are two(or three or even four)-faced, who define themselves as the ultimate truth, who are hungry for power to the extent that they will push other people around for it, who show false modesty, who pretend to be so damn squeaky clean in front of girls but be a bastard with guys, who want fame and glory to themselves, who like to dominate over other people and bark orders to them, who have the obsessive need to want to show to the world all of their abilities (or in reality lack thereof).  I hate Christians who talk the big talk but don’t live the loving walk.  I hate them because at the bottom of it all, these people treat other people like scum even though they claim they are loving.  I hate them because they drive away so many people from God, even those who follow Him and have already placed doubts in my own mind about what i believe in and whether it’s worth following since it spawns this kind of people.  I hate them because they make so many people believe they’re so damn good and it infuriates me to see everyone fall for it.  I hate them because at the core of it all they are liars to themselves, and that makes me hate them.

I grew up with these kind of people around me and i was always the target.  I learned that they are the people who will most likely get the fame, the power, the popularity and have everyone sing praises of them because they know how to play around with other people’s minds.  I learned how to defy their mindtricks with logic and spot them a mile away, and use it against them.  I learned that these people will always exist wherever i go, and thus never had to give myself the false consolation that once i leave a particular place i will be rid of such people (maybe except life).  I have learned to accept that fact, and live a simple live with my own abilities, with what i have, and enjoy what i can without having them taken away from me.

I have known this for a good damn 13 years of my life, with all the shit that i’ve been through, and it’s carved on my heart like it would be carved on stone.

And after 13 years, the same damn thing is so difficult to deal with that it boils in my heart and i feel like punching the walls and screaming my heart out, just to cause some pain to myself so that i don’t feel this one anymore.

I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.
  – Thomas Jefferson

The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards.
  – Arthur Koestler

A witty saying proves nothing.
  – Voltaire

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”
  – Charles M. Schulz

I posted previously on how i believe Christians would have a hard time in this world…some people seem to have a different idea about it and all, but perhaps i wasn’t clear enough because other people have misquoted my intentions.

Yes, i believe we will have a hard time.  But just because you’re being criticized and things are not going smooth doesn’t mean that you are on the right path!  It’s a cause and effect thing, where the effect is the hard times;  if hard times exist it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing the right thing.

So please, when people give you feedback, or when people have something to say, don’t fight back defensively.  Drop the ego and listen to what they have to say, listen to your friend’s hearts and stop the damn preaching, because what you preach doesn’t follow what you do.  I don’t suppose you ever thought that people are having a hard time BECAUSE of you, and none of us have any right to give someone else a hard time.

Walk your damn talk and stop thinking you’re perfect.  Seriously.  My confidence in my faith is dropping drastically because of you.  Don’t keep assuming that people are against you because you’re taking God’s path – it’s something significant when the main bulk of the people against you are mature believers and those for you are usually not.

I know i’m not the only one who feels this, but i openly say it, wearing my heart on my sleeve.  If i’m wrong i’ll freely admit it coz i don’t want to be two-faced.

Those who are hungry for power never wield it well.  Because in the world of man, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Gamer

Random: did you know that if you rearrange the letters in “Sparta” you can get “pratas”?

That being said, God of War: Chains of Olympus is out on PSP! And there are so many other games that are going to be released soon that i’d enjoy…

I’m also pining for a PS3, to play a specific selection of games that i already have in mind XD

If He opens it, no one can close it.

I had, and still have, a problem with being unappreciated for things that i do for others’ benefit.

It’s a very familiar scene that i face, for some friend to message me online and start complaining about things that are totally unrelated to me, but it’s part of their life so they’re entitled to.  What they’re not entitled to, and often what they tend to do, is expect me to solve the problem for them, even though they rarely take my advice.  Often i get rebuked for “slamming them in their face” or “pretending to know something i don’t”, which i can’t really avoid since they bring the problem up, can i?

It is amidst the slaving over projects in the past, listening to the whinings and so on that i learn that being unappreciated often goes along with being a friend – there are few (but they exist!) that would reciprocate to that level.  I don’t expect all to, but from the few “thank yous” that i’ve gotten i can assure you that it feels much better having heard it.  It’s easy to delude self (and that goes for me and the people on the receiving end who refuse to listen to any form of advice) and say that everything’s going to be ok, but you know deep inside there’s a simple problem that you just have to face head-on.

So it wasn’t surprising when i read a devotional that told me to expect to be not appreciated.  What did strike me was this:

The world doesn’t notice servants; it notices celebrities

Ok you and i both know that statement’s an over-generalization, but the point is there – the people who are most noticed often aren’t really the people who serve.  Granted there are exceptions, but it’s true.  Makes me think of all the people whose names really echo around and what they really stand for.  Some are worthy of mention, some not.  Some merely popular because of the acting they have to portray themselves in a certain way, or the gossip they spread to make others seem less likeable.

Kinda interesting isn’t it?  We don’t notice the servants.

Or at least, the world doesn’t.