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September 5, 2005 in Just the tale

And so another day has passed…woke up this morning feeling really depressed. I mean REALLY depressed. So depressed that i skipped a tutorial class, which for the record wasn’t my original class but a friend wanted me to go with him so i just smsed him and told him i was too tired, which was the truth – i went straight back to bed for another good hour of sleep.

It was one of those days that just DRAGGED on…two 2 hour lectures in which the lecturers first of all were perfectly intelligble, secondly didn’t give us any break inbetween each hour so they went on for 2 HOURS STRAIGHT, thirdly they didn’t even end on time so each lessons stretched for over 2 hours in fact and lastly, nobody understood what they were trying to teach.

It’s been on my mind again. I don’t know if this is healthy, but i seem to be fluctuating between being happy and being upset/obsessed/depressed/confused. When i’m happy it’s just plain acceptance and i seem to be able let God take control of things. At other times when i’m upset, everything just seems to loom in front of me. (think army of orcs at the gates of Mordor and you realise all you have by your side is a hobbit) I wonder a lot about the outcome, about how things will turn out. I wonder if we can be satisfied by ourselves, content to live without each other. I doubt this is true surrender if it depends on my mood – if so then i have yet to learn how to surrender everything.

I know this blog sounds really melancholy. I guess it’s the way i am – behind the smile and the act, i really do think a lot. I know i think in my sleep too. It gets annoying when actually all you want to do is forget things. I guess some things just aren’t meant to be forgotten.