Archive for October, 2007

Be Happy

Saw this on someone elses’ blog, which was from someone elses’ blog (i don’t know how long the chain goes, and i can’t be bothered to trace it all the way back).

You can never be happy at the expense of someone else’s happiness

Now to all the people out there i know who like to make others feel worse so you can feel better about yourselves, this is for you.  Putting people down doesn’t equate to lifting yourself higher; it puts you below them automatically.  So in the words of a generation before mine, up yours.


The Tonberry

Don’t you think the tonberry would be very sad?  Associated with difficulty and low rewards, often screamed at or run away from (unless you wanted to hunt for Tonberry King in FF8), and always having to be so gloomy.  Maybe the only reason he looks so sad and scary all the time is because people always are afraid of him, and nobody wants to be near to him for fear of “Everyone’s Grudge”, but nobody considers that there might be a reason why the poor little green guy has a grudge in the first place.

Tonberrys may be small yet powerful, but it doesn’t mean they don’t have a soft side.  Perhaps they started out carrying a knife for self-defence, and a lantern to light their way, and people started mistakenly thinking that they were aggressive. Given how slowly they move, they probably had given up trying to find their way out of the caves that they are discovered in.  It’s even possible that people had stumbled upon their house while they were in the kitchen, given how the knife they’re holding is a chef’s knife.

So be nice to tonberrys.  If you see one today, give it a hug.  You’ll make the world a better place. Really.


Back to Windows

After my stint with linux and specifically Ubuntu, which isn’t as complete as i hoped it would be (see previous post) and the lack of hardware/software support, along with the fact that all my data became corrupted, i decided that as much as i like linux systems and the benefits of it, i’d have to stay along with the main crowd on windows.

At least windows (when alone) didn’t give me problems.

So i had to reformat and reinstall everything.  Amazingly fast, for Vista.  Took an hour to get the OS back and running, and it was the reinstallation of the other programs that took the most of the time.

Therefore, until i get a mac, which has a stable and supported OS for all its hardware, i will remain with windows.

Ubuntu Woes and Whees

I finally jumped the bandwagon and decided to install Ubuntu 7.10 (Gusty Gibbon) on my laptop, dual booting with Windows Vista. And while i’m really amazed at how smooth most of the stuff is, there are still issues with it.

Hibernation, for example, doesn’t work. It’s probably the drivers or whatnot, but along with the fact that i don’t understand linux extremely well (translate: not well enough to twiddle around with what i want), i can’t really set things up. And so i’m learning and will hopefully figure out how to auto-mount my windows drives (at least they can still be read and written on. I think.) so that i don’t have to mount them every time i boot up, and i hope to eventually migrate everything over slowly to Ubuntu.

Why? The reason is obvious. I simply prefer linux to Windows. Vista looks great, hasn’t failed me yet, but i much like the simplicity and yet complexity of Ubuntu, which increase my functionality no end on the laptop. Nearly everything is compatible and if i really need to do something on a Windows program that doesn’t run on linux then i’ll just boot into Vista and do it there. But as it is, there’s an alternative for almost everything out there under linux.

Update: it turns out there are a lot more issues than i thought there were. I’m just going to list all of them here plainly: Brightness controls (within the OS) don’t work, HDDs aren’t detected and thus not automount, forcing me to mount it everytime i want access to stuff that are over on Windows (that means half-completed downloads too). Those two alone are enough to make me not want to use it already, considering my eyes hurt after looking at the screen for 5 mins. If there’s anyone who thinks they can help, do drop me a mail at redbeanjon [at]!

More Updates: I got my drives to mount using a NTFS config manage, so that settles most of my file and data issues – screen brightness is inconsistent and sometimes is bright though sometimes not.  But i’m thinking it’s going to be a drain on the battery, though i haven’t had the chance to test it yet.  One thing i really like, however, is NO MORE DOWNLOADING OF INSTALLATION PROGRAMS! That, and the fact that if the program needs something to work a plugin, you’re automatically notified and then prompted if installation should proceed – much less hassle than windows 🙂


And i don’t know why.

At this point of time i haven’t slept for more than 24 hours.  Yet i don’t feel drowsy or groggy or dizzy or tired.  My eyes are a little watery from looking at the screen the entire day, but that really can’t be helped, seeing as most of the stuff i need is read online and the alternative would be to dig up the many journals dating back to 1978 or perhaps earlier to see what the research in those days had done in relation to stuff that i am studying now; i’ll stick to reading from the screen, thank you very much.  So, that and my body feels numb from the lack of sleep, which isn’t an all unfamiliar feeling – read on and you’ll see why.

This isn’t new to me; last year around this time as well, i had a bout of sleeplessness in which i didn’t sleep for 4 days straight.  After that i concussed and unfortunately the 4 days started on monday so that time i missed all my friday classes; which i was absolutely glad to, because it meant that i finally slept at all. The funny thing is, i didn’t feel tired at all that time, not even when i tried to sleep on the 4th night – it was as if my body was running on AC power and someone forgot to unplug me.  Needless to say i put on a lot of weight at that point of time because i kept eating to sustain the energy output from staying up all the time.  And although it was a time of great productivity, both hall and academic wise, i really hope that’s not what i’m going to face this time, and for one clear reason.

Even though i’m awake, my mind is not.

So effectively i was sitting through all those lectures, not really knowing what’s going on and just blindly copying down whatever sounded important and usually missing out the really important stuff.  I fear that was what happened when i met my supervisor today, though i really hope i caught everything that he said because it wouldn’t be a very pleasant experience for me to have to go back and ask him one more time about all that we discussed, seeing as he already gave the go-ahead.  In fact, it would be downright weird.

So here i am, blogging.  I could possibly do some reading of lecture notes and revise a little bit so i have a better idea of what’s going on coz i’m nearly completely lost in one of my modules, but i also know that even if i read i’ll just be fooling myself because nothing’s going to go into my head.  If that’s going to be the case then i’d rather do something not so crucial if i forget what it is, like watch anime or play games.  And i’m waiting for castlevania to come out on the PSP so that i can play it; i bet it’ll at least be interesting, what with the 3-D rendered graphics.

So i’m going to see if i can do some stuff before i sleep and then try to catch a bit of it.  Even 15 mins would be good.  I just hope i can break this cycle and that it doesn’t happen every year.


Maybe more applicable in the past tense, because the rush was this morning where i woke up at 10am for a 10am test. I sure hope that doesn’t happen to me during the exams; it would be sheer terror to have gone through the entire sem and not wake up in time for the module, resulting in me having to retake the module at a later sem (of which there would by then be only one left). But the test went well, i finished early, checked my answers, tried to clear up some ambiguities (of which the invigilators weren’t very helpful) and then took a 10min nap before being awakened by the “you have 15 minutes left” announcement…then i stayed awake to note some really amusing sights in the LT where i was taking my tests. Like how most of the questions were on oscillations and there was a particular person of a particular nationality who was rocking back and forth in his chair – oscillating, if i may say so 😛

Had some thoughts today about how sometimes we Christians are so rigid, while talking to Jo and meeting up after so long. It’s true that sometimes we doggedly stick to certain things and condemn people who don’t share the same views. Let me say my opinion on this: i don’t think that’s very loving, no matter what it’s about. Granted, that sin shouldn’t be condoned, but slamming a person and making him/her feel inadequate is no way to deal with it. Who’s to say that we as humans are adequate in the first place? Pardon me if i sound harsh, but i really don’t think that kind of behaviour reflects very well on anyone, much less someone who’s claiming to be a child of the God who is Love.

In other worlds (read: my life) i’m finding myself very thankful for what i have these days. Where else can i find parents who are willing to put up with constant absence of their eldest son, a Professor who is willing to answer my endless questions and a girlfriend who can endure my emoness and stress-induced states? No matter how much i go through, i return to my room and think “life is good”.

I may be stressed, worried, overworked and tired, but i am still happy =)

In case you all haven’t noticed, which i will presume you all haven’t, i haven’t updated in a long long time. It’s not that i don’t have any more opinions or frustrations, and i would think i could easily pass off this period of absence as attributed to busyness, but seeing as i still have time to read comics and watch anime and all that. There’s even sometimes where i log in and prepare a title for a post and then all of a sudden i don’t feel like blogging anymore. Then i close the window, rather than force it out into a very incoherent post.

I think things have been very…hm i don’t know if “surreal” is the word. It hit me recently that i have a lot of things to do, plenty of tutorials/assignments/tests/projects coming up and i’m a little taken aback at the amount of work. At times i worry about my FYP and where it’s going. I’m certain that everything will turn out fine in the end so i’m not killing myself over late nights (although i have been getting late nights anyway) but it doesn’t stop me from getting rather flustered at times over it. Sometimes i escape to my world of monsters and mutants, sometimes to outer-space mecha, sometimes to handball, but eventually i still get back to it and face my outer demons.

It’s weird, because i’ve been a little sad for some time, and i haven’t been sad for a long time. I applied for my Masters’ degree, but suddenly i don’t feel like doing it anymore. I want a full break away from academics for an extended period of time, but i can’t afford to, and knowing me i’d probably not enjoy it because i’ll be thinking of work the entire time i’m “away”. But i suppose being vaguely sad is caused by the way my friends all suddenly treat me. People who suddenly shun me, give black faces when i’m around, friends who suddenly don’t talk anymore or talk to me like i’m there to take their shit for them and solve their problems magically and so on. Some of you reading this might be thinking “Dude, this is the real world. Wake up and smell the coffee, coz this is how it is, with no one behind you and you gotta stand on your own.” If you are planning on telling me that, don’t bother because i don’t believe you. Seriously, i don’t, and it’s not the childish whining “i don’t believe you” that i made back there; i have proof for what i believe in.

There are people who care. I have family and close friends, soulmates and brothers, people who believe in me and someone who stays in my heart. And to all you people out there who believe you have to stand on your own, i feel very sorry for you, especially if you’re the kind that simply assumes that everything is deliberately against you. But then again, if you’re that kind of person then you won’t really realize you are. I have people i enjoy talking to, and people who care enough to make me happy (even if it’s just one person) but that’s enough for me to live for, and you who think you have to stand on your own will never understand the joy that face being with these people.

I’m not depressed; i hardly have a reason to be, with necessities not lacking, and few wants left to fill. I think the feeling of being swamped with work gets to me, but i doubt it’s limited to that. I don’t really know how to conclude my feelings and how i feel because i’m not too sure about how i feel myself. It’s a little disconcerting because i don’t like the feeling of not knowing what is wrong with myself. I guess at the end of the day there’s still this little respite when i talk to God and calm my mind and heart.

People ask me why i bother to be a Christian. It’s simple: i believe in what Jesus said and did. And if you believe in something, it’s the best reason to give all you’ve got for it.

In other news, i just performed yesterday with the rest of the official RH Band – it feels good to be on stage again, really. It’s like there’s a whole new arena for me when i’m up there and i can do funny things. Playing for worship is different – not less fun, but just different. And it was great – except for the fact that the bass connection kept coming out for some unknown weird reason so there were sections that the bass suddenly cut off (sorry jack!) but thankfully i managed to get it back in before long bleh. I think after so long with playing bass, i’ve probably lost a lot of my guitar skills. Still, i can’t deny that i prefer the guitar to the bass – it’s more….complete to me. 😀